May 25, 2010

Life Tetris

I saw a picture of a ballet dancer and started to cry
I had a dream about a blue kitten and woke to whimpers
Twists and turns form along the road in front of me
Chances for a life-up, chances to make a change while I wish for days of old
Days of tulle and floating feathers
I day dream through corporate meetings about beach dance parties, the sand sticking to sweat as all demons and worries are released
Trying to turn down poison for easy release pills
The trade off being my mind
If I can dance it all off, stretch it all away
I may just find myself at the twist or turn towards success
Here’s hoping it all falls down and right into place

May 21, 2010

Dear Friend,

The sky is turning black and I want to help you but you don’t think you need it. It’s getting dark out here but all you see is the light, drawing you closer like a moth to a flapping flame.
When the chips fall I wanna be there.
When you lose it all I’m gonna be here.
But it’s becoming increasingly more difficult not to cast shadows on all this glory you think you’re basking in.
Please come back down before you fall or get pushed.
It’s dangerous living in love with all your vitals exposed.

May 09, 2010

Wanted: Swim Lessons

Teardrops hang on the edges of my eyelashes as I search for you along the water’s edge. Just when I thought I had won the fight of your wake the undertow pulls me back under and I’m drowning in what was once your love. Like a rope around my ankle you pull me farther down as I struggle, as I paddle towards rays of sun and oxygen. Gasping for breath and freedom. Bobbing like a buoy in an ocean of loneliness waiting for tides and storms to bring us back together. Dancing in pools, sitting on stools. Anxiety beats at my brain as I try to push you, keep you at arm’s distance. Stop wanting to touch me and lie to me through your highs. You look disheveled and I curtsy, bow to your every advance. There’s nothing left to say, our Russian roulette of pain and ecstasy will continue to wind and whirl, your touch, your smell will continue to wind and whirl through my sanity striking me mindless and hopeless when I least expect. If I had the power to dance away this stronghold, the chance to kick off that rope pulling me under I'd stay motionless and continue the drowning for certain death by heartbreak is inevitable. Keep my heart in your hands, it doesn’t know anything else.

May 07, 2010

You, Me, Us, We

We fiend, we find, we pay.
We fall, we twist, we turn into old patterns, into catching up between catching breaths.
You dance, you laugh, you drink.
I watch, I fall, I play along.
Farther down old feelings push at unstructuring synapses.
I wait, I want, I take.
You rush, you take, you want.
We rock, we roll, we wave but the fire needs fuel and the same stories keep getting told.
Lips brush, lips crush, and tokens of nothing are exchanged.
You say, you want, you own.
I push but pull and you waver not at all.
You taste the same, smell the same, kiss the same as you once did in the stark starlight of first kisses and first crushes.
"Don't you want to kiss me?"
"Oh please you're the only one I want to kiss."
But you'll leave in the morning hidden behind sleep depravation, you won't make eye contact and I'll be left yearning ever so slightly.
You tease, you rush, you're gone again.
I please, I crush, I'm thrown again.‏

May 02, 2010

The Sunset

I’m thinking I will drive to the beach and watch the sunset, but once it sets I get pretty sad so maybe I’ll just lie in bed and clench my jaw. I wait for calls I’m too embarrassed to answer and try to get the courage to stop the snow balling effects of my actions. Read on. Reeds on the beach, I really do want to watch that sunset but I would have to shower first. Funny little words strung together, inspiration has strange effects on what’s left of my brain. Dear me, let’s go to the beach and brush my teeth before.

at the beach:
Now that I’m here I cant be sure why. It’s chillingly beautiful and loud. Waves crashing, windy breezes whipping, the sun slowly sinking but burning orange into retinas the beach over. I reach out but really wish to float away on the wind’s breezes and rolling wakes. I’m feeling too confined by the winding roads and whispers, my legs are sore and cramped. We can’t see ourselves aligning when nights are spent sipping truth serum but coming up empty handed, empty laughs. Lessons in loneliness continue while I find myself surrounded by good company poisoned by honesty. It chills, the sky forms shades of sherbert, the ocean darkens hinting slightly at the fathoms below. The sun obtusifys and the sadness starts to sink-in in the same fashion. Hide behind clouds on the horizon, hide behind shrouds and cloaks only to find the dagger that was once in my heart is now in my hand. Skipping rocks and skipping school have lost their allure and the seasons smell only of smoke and saltwater. We come out, a sliver is left and soon pinks will turns to purples will turn to blacks and the first star won’t be a star at all. The world will still spin for now and runners will still run and I’ll be left writing sadly.