I could fall into this role easily, fall fast, fall hard, but you're so wishy-washy I am left wishing, hoping for a sign, for a signal that you too are more wish and less wash. I dance through my dreams, search through the daylight and dawn for traces of you, your scent long lost on my pillow, your voice far off like a ship out to sea. And I guess you are out to sea, out to see something, out to find yourself because you found me first and now you're lost. Lost in the unmatched rhythms that writhe through your mind at paces and syncopations no one hears but you, the ringing in your ears of loves past and unknown chaos ahead. But I think about you with fondness despite the rollercoaster of yes and no we've rocked and rode the past few weeks. My stomach leapt and came down again, rush went the wind in my face, and a thumping in my chest as we approached each hill. Try again, this time the little pieces will fit just right. No wrong puzzle. Try again this time the bits of stardust will make a sand castle. No its washed away. Try again… I’m waiting.
July 04, 2014
Something smells of honey suckles and bewilderment. I lay motionless under heavy blankets to quiet my mind, but it races on at a pace matched only by my heart. We could have been everything but our pasts and futures hold us in an unsolvable limbo. We hold a mirror to eachother, our reflections are not what we imagined they would be, like a fun house distortions waver; legs stretch with tales of something like truth, smiles are swirled into frowns. If I close my eyes to sleep will I find myself in that former dream scene? Will I wake up where we were a week ago and see you to the door before it goes any farther? Save myself the exhaustion? The drama? All the things I list when faced with questions regarding my loneliness. From this vantage point it's hard to say, hard to know. All I ever wanted was to look into your eyes at dusk, say nothing and yet everything at once.