The Old Neighborhood

We stretch out over the intercoastal. I rush to lift the shade, my eyes well, my throat clenches, and the guy next to me continues to drum to the beats in his headphones. It could be the surprise first-class free wine or the fact that I thought I would never come back. But now as I coast thousands of miles over my old home I am at a loss for why the emotion is sad, is regret. Could it be that this time I am alone? That so much of this old life here was a we and now it’s just me, experiencing life alone. I regress back to lessons in loneliness; I retrace the memories we made here and rushed away from. Do I call out you? Do I tell you “here I am? Here I am!” Only to make you feel worse, feel just as sad but still alone on our new/old coast. I didn’t mean to leave you hurt and I didn’t mean to follow you here. But here I am back on this lovely turquoise waterway filled peninsula, alone and I want more than ever to call to you and remind you of the beauty here and beauty that once was between us, ironically before we ever got here. I’m sorry my old love I’m looking for new experiences in our old neighborhood and only finding bittersweet reminders.

Old Love on the Horizon

I’m feeling unusually melancholy, I sit listless and alone. Alone and full of lists. But it's you my naïve knave that I will miss. You my friend, you my dear, new friend. Horizons are changing; vacations will bring new beaches and beats for short days of old abandon. Let the coming rain wash away these melancholy tears and let me return like the rising sun to set on new goals and smiles. Old scars feel fresh and I can’t help but think of old loves. As I traverse by air my mind will wander to the thoughts of love past...

Silent Whispers Resonate Among Friends

We sit here smiling with our secrets.
We stand here humming with our fears.

… and all I want to do is lie on the couch and listen to you sing me a song.

My eyes try desperately to hide my deceptions and the cage around my heart does what it can to keep in the scandals. Oh, yes I’d like to fancy myself a keeper of a great many secrets but the reality is I wear them on my sleeve. Pinned there with tears, hanging loosely along with my sad scarred heart.

But I could sit with you and beguile awhile. You can tell me your curiosities while I try to keep my head above water, above wine. You can smile with your tongue and laugh with your ears while I smile with my crush and melt with my eyes. Your inquiring questions leave me intoxicated with alarm, this honesty is fresh and makes everything else easy.

Just a Friend

We can try from here to keep the boundaries clear.
We can hope for the best, while forgetting the rest.
With the status unknown you can call me at home.
I'll be waiting and baited,
I'll be dancing outdated.
You'll be playing my song,
even after I'm gone.
But this secret still blows,
through the wind, down the rows.
I can't say what it is,
but it seems everyone knows.
Let's share one more drink,
then sit back down to think.
I'll sleep here again,
I'm just not sure when.
This might not be fear
but you can't keep me here.
I'm looking to run and you probably can't come.
There's a place by the bay and I'll live there someday.
But up until then,
Let's just be friends.

Did we just make Love?

Your picture is ominous but it pulls at my heartstrings slightly. I day dream of rubbing your back to night dream but now I’ll let the conversation and communication lull to a dull sane, only to rile the anxiety back up in the coming weeks. I wish I dreamt of you more or inversely I wish I slept with you more and worsely maybe I will dream of you tonight while I wait on love to bleed from nothing while I wait on myself to need for nothing. Not need for you and your haberdashery, not need for it and its high highs, not need for music and it’s low lows. Lets go dancing through my memories, lets find me in cold movie theaters hanging on every slow note alone, lets find me walking along dirt paths to end at foggy cliffs, lets find you in my dreams and in my life sitting cold on foggy cliffs and dancing under blue glass, maybe dancing to blue grass. “Who are you?” you’ll puff and I’ll waver slightly “who are you?” you’ll pass and I’ll wager it all in that dark azure glow. Cash in my chips just to be known as the girl that cried love, cried early morning tears for love that couldn’t be but somehow seemed to linger in late night staring contests.