More Beauty

Now that the pressures of the weekend and simpleties of life have found a resting place in my psyche I can get back to the beautiful. I can stop blaming you for my fears and find myself once again entranced by the thought of you. I long to find your profile in the darkness of dawn and plant firm kisses on your shoulders while you waver between sleep and dreams. Pushing fears at you, holding back tears from you was a repercussion of running from you and now our Benjamin Button of a relationship finds middle age. Our time as roommates closes as I strike out on my own, we both continue to unfold like lotus, softer, smoother spots become exposed. Dark clouds cover what's left of a pumpkin colored moon as I slide down and sit back with a smitten smile. This beauty is far better than giving into the anxiety of a life yet to be lived. 

A Mild Separation Anxiety Attack

Caffeine and alcohol induced dehydration, I sweat alone in your sheets and put off the reality of 8 blocks. Time to get up young lady, time to grow up little girl. Maybe I can shower it off and disappear before you get back, a look of squinted confusion, all that's left of a hidden romance. Instead I rush to the bottoms of sweet flavored vodka drinks and rush towards your bed. Time to get up little girl, wipe the sleep from your eyes and start building your own bed. You made me want to read Cosmopolitan and then didn't answer my inquiries, you left me languishing and learned from my white lies and half truths and used them against me. It hurts today, it's really fucking scary today and I want to run to you and cry but that's the last place I should go. 

Standing alone in my empty house only now does the reality of what I've done set it in, I've traversed miles again, this time in a quest for experience this time alone. One solemn tear, streams down along my cheek just as I slip slid away again. I wanted you to be a security blanket, but it might be time to sleep alone. 

They Knew it to Be True Before it Was

Slumbering in your big bed, your fingers find mine and I flutter awake with a smile. I was trying to push out of my comfort zone but continue to find myself wrapped in your arms under your sheets. I fiend to dream of you all day, by night I nuzzle in your scent, you leave me grinning more than I am used to. We engage in a game of shhhhh, secrets abound, we delicately dance about the situation in hopes no one will notice. Each look calculated, each touch, each spoken word a novelty until we find ourselves alone and trip down hidden paths gripped tightly together stopping for long awaited kisses and embraces. I want to shower your neck with short kisses and find your gaze across every table. The pressure is tangible as our time playing house comes to a close, as neighbors will we find the same thrills or something more reasonably melancholy? 

The Precipice of Fresh Frontiers

So this is the way it goes out? Like a slow dying flame or a bottled firefly, flickering against unknown odds. I’m tearing alone at what’s left of work, the let down slow and cumbersome. Suddenly my hand shakes with the pressure of days to come, the past haunts and daunts us all and one more night is the least we can do. I am alone as I steer once again towards familiar coasts. We dance in dreams but are awoke by our own palpitations that go unnoticed in waking life. My vision blurry, my heart aching, this cannot be the moment of realization; I don’t have time to face reality yet. These lyric-less songs evoke more emotion than thought possible. Memories and faces, memories of faces, push it away again, not ready for this much conscientiousness yet. Give it a few days til the sun soaks in and I find myself climbing my way through clematis again. The only cure for all this emotion must be saltwater, wash away these feelings and once again find fresh frontiers and new adventure.

Hauntingly Hunting

You're haunting me, hiding at every digital turn I take. This transference of obsession started off easy enough but the continuous burning and lack of reciprocation has left me drowning. And while I move toward familiar coasts I continue to yearn for something more from you, I have let ALL of my crazy show and you look back in confusion with the same stare you kept in those stunted early morning moments. You're haunting me, your being and phantasm lurk over my shoulder and hide in the recesses of my mind.  When you pass though my mind, wisp through my psyche, my shoulders go numb, my knees weak and I am left with the taste of sick in my mouth. 

Unbeknownst to you I slide down, slouch down and pine alone, you do not share my feat  and you do not expect the extent to which I have dwelled on all things you. Even now, even this, especially this, is too much but somewhere in the interim, in the crush transference, in the 3rd degree, I have lost myself.