Graphic nature: please be warned

So I do this thing whenever I start school, its kind of unintentional but it seems to happen anyway. The first day of class I decide who in my class I would fuck, and work on it from there on in. I also makeup these scenarios of who I would be friends with but that’s another blog. So back to the sex business, it rarely actually works out because I’m rather shy but my freshman year in college first semester I had picked this one guy. He was dark and handsome kinda beefy but jovial as far as I could tell. My admiration grew as each day we had class, however as I am extremely shy and never got up the nerve to talk to him, besides I had nothing to say on the subject of logical reasoning which was our class. There was one day where my admiration floundered and I stared at another young man who I would later find out was his brother. Anyway so about three or four weeks in to the semester I got this idea, this awful idea that I would write him a note. The note said: “I think you’re totally hot” and then included my name and number. As class was dismissed I left it on his desk and walked out. Never even looking back. I often regret not leaving it on his brother’s desk, the very next desk over, as his brother was rather intriguing and had his tongue pierced. Anyway he called the next night and we talked for a long time on the phone as I paced about my dorm room with my roommate silently laughing hysterically at me. We arranged for a date the next evening. This was to be my first real grown up date, as previous ones were in groups or otherwise not dateish. So he picked me up, we went to dinner, I had steak, and then he proceeded to take me on a tour of the fine city I had recently moved to. We had amazing conversation on beaches and look out points, I found out he had recently lost like 50 pounds, which I’ll have to admit is quite a feat in itself. Eventually we had sex in the back seat of his car and then I did my sole appearance in the world of walks of shame into my dorm building with my shirt completely stretched out and various stains on my skirt I’m sure. The next class meeting he introduced me to his brother, like we were dating or something and then walked me to my dorm after class. He wanted to explain he didn’t usually do those kinds of things. Anyone who says that is totally lying, I know I am anyway. Well then he tried to kiss me goodbye, I gave a quick turn of the head so he got my ear. I about puked. I was over it, it was a one night stand kinda thing, I understood it, he was quite a bit older then me, but I don’t think he got it. He really liked me, these kinds of things happen, but he had been talking about his friends having kids and being married, this completely freaked me out, I had decided he was a weirdo, which probably wasn’t true at all. I was awful to him stopped talking to him, stopped taking his phone calls and stopped going to class. I would catch an earlier class, sit on the other side of the room or not go at all, it seemed he was doing to he same. I was awful to him. I still feel bad about it and often think I should look him up and apologize, but it didn’t really mean anything, it was a backseat tryst and lasted less then a week. So long story short after this awful trial run of my first day infatuations I’ve been wary to actually repeat such an act. However there is this one guy, I picked him first day and we actually have two classes together, cold piece is though he kind of looks like that first guy. I don’t know I hope for myself nothing happens but I’ve been giving him the eye, the playmate eye I learned from some former “Playmate on Sex” and I can’t help it, it’s completely unintentional… no I swear it really is.