Something old

I wrote the first paragraph of this probably in March, things were different then but i was reading it the other day and decided it could be one of the nices thigns i've written about current boyfriend. this is sad cause its not even that nice.

I’m tired I watch her juggle and I’m tired I’m jealous but I’m tired I’ve looked into the eyes of three boys in one night and none of them loved me they loved it they loved the thought of it and now I stare alone and cry alone but I’m jealous and I’m tired I couldn’t do it I couldn’t play hide and seek any more because I missed you when I hid and I missed you when I sought so there I was missing you but still kissing you wondering and suffocating in your backseat and what can you say for yourself you say, “I know cuddy ill see you tomorrow” well that’s not enough tomorrow is never enough so I sit and wait because I don’t want to play games any more I’m moving and your moving and I’m running and your running and I cant stop to wonder if we are running in the same direction or just in the same race because either ill lose you or ill lose the race.

I don’t know if I lost him or the race or if we’re still running. I think its turned into more like a marathon, we’re taking a leisurely walk. Or a quick drunken run out to the cliffs of the west coast, he in his tux and me in my puffy hand made dress on the day of his sisters wedding. This is my favorite memory of him. We were running and laughing so hard straight for the sunset.

Everything changes, everything changes. Progresses, digresses.