Wanted: Swim Lessons

Teardrops hang on the edges of my eyelashes as I search for you along the water’s edge. Just when I thought I had won the fight of your wake the undertow pulls me back under and I’m drowning in what was once your love. Like a rope around my ankle you pull me farther down as I struggle, as I paddle towards rays of sun and oxygen. Gasping for breath and freedom. Bobbing like a buoy in an ocean of loneliness waiting for tides and storms to bring us back together. Dancing in pools, sitting on stools. Anxiety beats at my brain as I try to push you, keep you at arm’s distance. Stop wanting to touch me and lie to me through your highs. You look disheveled and I curtsy, bow to your every advance. There’s nothing left to say, our Russian roulette of pain and ecstasy will continue to wind and whirl, your touch, your smell will continue to wind and whirl through my sanity striking me mindless and hopeless when I least expect. If I had the power to dance away this stronghold, the chance to kick off that rope pulling me under I'd stay motionless and continue the drowning for certain death by heartbreak is inevitable. Keep my heart in your hands, it doesn’t know anything else.