December 05, 2006

experiment 1

My hearts broken again but differently this time then the times before that we were all so familiar with. Those times there was a build up a continuous pulsing until it gave out and was torn and scarred. This time it feels as if it fell in slow motion right out of my chest like the tiniest delicate tea cup, I watched it fall and crack into tiny pieces like when you pop a Christmas popper and there is a split second of confetti, pieces of my heart as Christmas confetti. I find myself breathing from email to email waiting for nothing in return, I think I miss him but really I am just cursing every blonde with lengthy straight hair, which makes looking in the mirror rather difficult. I wish I had been languishing here all along, then maybe I wouldn’t find myself in a ball of sobs on the floor or lying on my back staring at the ceiling in all my depressing glory. Also if I had kept it up, the writing, then I wouldn’t be calling my mother to have her compare my problems to those of Sheryl crow who was dumped and got cancer in one week. No my problems in all hopes will never reach those proportions however I do believe we don’t possess a broom that I would trust with the job of sweeping my tea cup pieces of a bursted heart off the tile.