July 18, 2011

The Run

My mind spills over with quotes and thoughts, words and phrases play incessantly and yet I cannot, no, I have not had the will, the ultimate inspiration, to sit and write. In the past heartache had brought so much inspiration and now since my attempt to flip the script and be inspired by happiness, I am left scriptless. I run instead of write, the need for physical heart health and mind numbness outweigh the need for spiritual heart health and thoughtfulness.

The rain finally came and that’s when I find the running most peaceful, bad music fills my head leaving little room for any other thoughts and my sweat mixes with the fresh waters of the rain. When I’m running everything else aches, thus taking the pressure of said heart.

He calls and asks if I will run with him, can I give him part of this sanctuary? He has taken everything else, even this running only began as a way to impress him. Now he impresses me with his ability to compartmentalize our love and lie to my tear soaked face.

I say I’ll let go, I say these incredulous infidelities will break what’s left of us, I say enough is enough. When in reality I will never let go, I will endure these falsities and enough will never be enough.

July 01, 2011

The Likelihood

It's likely that someday I'll will forget what your house smells like.
It's likely that I will forget this night I sat on your couch and tears pushed at the backs of my eyes.
Rational says it's likely we won't go on like this forever
And it's likely I will forget what these last kisses tasted like just as I have forgotten the flavor of the first.
It's likely that my heart will break and ache for another month or more
And it's likely you'll make me completely crazy
And also that I'll recover
All these likely things ought to be relieving but they aren't because they are just happenstance and hopefulness.
It's likely you will burn me and I'll say it doesn't hurt
It's likely that you'll lie some more and I'll reciprocate
It's likely I'll keep you on this pedestal and melt at your feet
It's likely nothing will survive this dreadful occasion
It's likely in another 15 years I'll just be another name you've forgotten
It's likely that you feel all these likelihoods too but there I go with hopefulness and happenstance, there I go thinking it's going to be ok and happy and smooth sailing but in reality that isn't very likely, is it?