When these flailing arms should be like wings of freedom I just feel like a newborn grappling for its mother. As my heart beats into the next panic attack I try to find solace in the little things, the lone white rose glowing in the moonlight, the unexpected wine drenched dinners. A fairytale waits for me but I continue to keep it at arm’s distance while I swelter in the real world. How have I let myself get this lost? How is living in today helping life tomorrow? I play my records to put myself to sleep and yearn for them in the nightmares of waking life. I’ll continue to trust that something better waits around the corner but I worry that hope is not enough of an agenda.
* * *
Keep it calmer, keep it sane. Its only life and there are a million little puzzles to figure out while the time rushes by.
February 22, 2010
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