March 24, 2006
invited on a trip this summer by a boy i feel i barely know
I can see myself cackling into the night, eyes ablaze with the burn of liquor. Running towards stars and trees, running from love and pushing towards it. Foreign starry skies to be my future with hands to hold, I don’t trust that my sanity front could last through this point, this kind of trip. So I imagine, I foreshadow, a vision of myself cackling and yelling nonsense with the stench of heaters and alcohol on my breath. I can see their eyes, how their reactions would be similar to those that looked upon witches on trial, confusion and detachment. I’d lose them, lose him right there under starry foreign skies, from jealousy, from neediness, from cackling and naughty wondering fingers. I’d lose it all and I’d be left laughing at the inside joke that no one else gets that is my life, ha ha laughing now at the horrific future I have dreamt of, dream of.