Am I Even Making Sense?

You’ve pumped me with caffeine and I’m floating in the thickness of our love. We twist into a nakedness that can only be rivalled by my forgetfulness of the reality that knocks at our pastel perfect house of dreams. I can’t remember how to spell, as I picture your touch. I can’t remember how to work as I recall your scent. My typing is failing as your voice rings in my ears. The air chills outside, barely and we hold on tighter to stay warm. It’s a dream indeed and I am so drunk off our love my head is heavy as it lays on your chest. My arms are numb, my hands shaking and the crispness of my vision feels like the highest high. I ought to fear the come down but history speaks to the fact that the only thing coming down will be my body falling coolly into your plush bed and thus your warm arms. Sweet nothings will be exchanged and wisps of fervor will float amongst down feathers as the ceiling fan whips in a fury above us. I’ve lost myself, my heart, to you and I don’t wish for it to be found in the slightest.

Intermittent Thoughts

And so we find ourselves intertwined. Me sleeping sideways to get some of the warmth you left behind when you rose to prepare for an early flight. You kissed me goodbye upside down as I whispered my dreams to you. We have found a comfort in this.
…

We pass each other in this silent dance and your smell whispers through me. I hear your laugh through thin walls and wish to capture it in my hand just to let it boisterously rush out again like fine sand.

…

I sit alone and smirk at the thought of you, my body melts at the idea of your touch.

Love Would Not Be Defeated

You wake me in the night and sometimes I’m so tired I turn my head from what you want and lull back to sleep. That’s selfish and yet I need a little self in the dark and I’d rather wait for you to wake me when the dim light of dawn peers in at us through slatted blinds. We have negotiated into a fog of love, I find us jumping off cliffs into pools of aquamarine when I close my eyes and when I open them we are holding hands and smiling at each other over down pillows.

I’m giddy and nervous and scared but it feels right for right now.

Your big hand envelops mine and it seems our cocktail glasses have emptied right into my heart, I am drunkenly whole again. Minutes tick by slowly and as the remnants of our morning fade into thoughts of what our evening holds I smile, oh do I smile. This rollercoaster is trucking slowly; chuck, chuck, chuck, up towards an unknown horizon and the anticipation leaves me full of wonder. Wonder at what we will become, wonder at how your power over me can strike my helpless in an instant but your attention leaves me in a state of glory. I have given too much to you, it is obvious, but I did not claim defeat, I inquired of you with honest intentions and asked you to take this chance with me, your eager acceptance has left me in a haze but I smile, oh do I smile.

On the Brink of a Forfeit

At what point do I strike a balance and say that loving you without reciprocation is enough? It makes me feel weak, like an idiot child, and you placate me with expensive gifts when all I want is your undivided love and attention. A better choice might be to let you go, and as a man of short to no response you might not notice I’m even gone. You fill voids with girls and gadgets and I am left shaking at the thought of either lounging in your bed with their new fresh smells and soft buttons. I feel old, which is ironic, I feel old and tired and I think you look at me in the same contexts. I listen to love songs that beg for companions to hold on to a bond, to a love that hangs in a delicate balance and I beg in the same contexts. But you don’t want to hear my begging or my fits, you want smiles and something a little less tortured, when its you who has left me in this twisted tortured state. I want for the happiness we deserve, I want for the happiness we had before your ghosts scared you from your future.

The things I've written about you paint us in shadow but I continue to fight for light. My heart wipes the lies from my mind and I am left in a whirl pool of love/like. Your continuous shock and amazement at my forwardness regarding my feelings has become annoying really, and while I sit to write something nice, something bursting with hope, I let out the real feelings of complacency. Why have I let you become my everything, while you teeter between lust and regret?