May 30, 2013
White Rabbits Out Of Hats
You just seemed like magic, but if the trick was to leave me covered in egg, you’re a smash. You came out of nowhere with this look of reserved abandon, an animal domesticated to the ways of city life. Something bubbled underneath your skin, rippled even, at the places a body ought ripple, but few words exuded your lips. A touch here, and mild antidote there and you had me falling, following you down to the deepest depths of a fairy tale. You smelled of familiar drugs and I wanted to taste every inch, go back to old memories of losing myself for the sake of finding myself. I thought, “don’t quite let him get the recognition of these words, don’t yet let him get hold my heart, or what’s left of it.” But somehow here we are, just like those long lost wisps of choking smoke, you are at last long gone, feeling further away then you ever were close. And maybe its all made up in my mind, maybe its still sweet but just pulled a bit farther apart, maybe there is a hopefulness in your silence. But it is your silence that breaks me, incites a welling of tears, and in those brief moments I find either composure or soon remember the endless confusions that you have no fingerprint on and I lose. It should have been lighter, should have stayed the way I told everyone it was “just some fun,” but the more you pulled the more I pushed and chased and wanted for more of what you might not have even been giving. In your smile I melt and you give a look as if you know not what you do, and yet you must know, you must have always known that those glistening wild eyes would pull me in, pull me down before I could spin out of your reach and keep hold of my whittled composure.