October 27, 2005

what have i done here

I’m lost today. Why were you hunting me in my dreams? I found you waiting, stalking when I closed my eyes. I think about you daily and even now as I write this I am crying for you. I don’t know what I think though. Hasn’t it always been that way? I don’t know, if our relationship was a movie that would be the title or maybe, “I don’t know but I do.” I can’t tell if I miss you though, miss us I mean. Walking to class today I was thinking about areas where I would have future homes, san Diego came to mind first and as I begun to build my amazing beach house on the shores of la Jolla, you were there and my mind got ahead of me and suddenly we were married once I caught up with my thought process I wanted to cry, to turn around walk home and cry about you how much I’ve lost because I gave you up. I’m glad you got to be the one to really end it, but last night when I hung up the phone with him I thought now I would usually call my Chris-sy but no longer do I call you and you never call me either. Time will heal all wounds but I hope I see you in the bars during break and I hope I go home with you. I say that today and honestly I don’t where I will be when Christmas comes, but you are, always have been and always will be my Christmas business. And again I am at a place contemplating throwing it all away for someone else, for you. The Internet will be the ruin of me, its funny you always said that, I searched the w hotels today, there will be no W in my future, I googled you, there was nothing, then I saw your pictures on myspace and I cried right in the living room, I cried. And I know if I do see you at break it will go one of two ways and there are only two ways it can go: 1. I go home with you 2. You call me out as the bitch you may have come to think of me as. And as I write this it breaks my heart and lumps my throat. I do, I do miss you. Our song keeps coming up on my ipod and the freckles in our eyes still align.

And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephone
well, they're workin it both ways
But if I never, ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

2 comments:

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

My weakness for Mraz not withstanding... There are oh so many more ways it could go. Give yourself more choices.

Rio said...

i had some wine and called him it will probably work out