November 01, 2005
I should have seen all the signs of foreboding on the horizon when I wanted to run away to Santa Barbara before he even got here but I didn’t. I should have known when I broke the wine glass and hit my head on the corner of the cabinet door. But I didn’t think of it. You would think at least the diamonds would have tipped me off but alas there was no such tipping. I am almost certain that a whole slew of black cats could have crossed my path and all I would have thought was “kitty,” in fact some probably did. If I had paid attention to all these signs maybe I wouldn’t have gotten on the subway train choking with drunken sluts and malcontented students to go to gay central and wander the streets only to smile at the gender blind love that gays only gays find. And then maybe I wouldn’t have begun to resent my mirror image of myself boy friend for all the flaws we both have and then maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have had to walk 4 miles barefoot through unknown wetness on the streets of san Francisco. My own trail of tears as my blistered feet endured tiny rocks and uneven pavement. At one point I even prayed to god to help me, small miracles I guess because I looked up to find smooth asphalt ahead, that was it though no cab, no bus and no boy friend that wanted to help besides telling me that he likes me too much and that I act like a fag when I am upset. This was uncalled for I thought given the circumstances however I also had told him earlier that he was immature and this fell right into that category. Immature and ruining my second favorite holiday as far as I could tell.