May 09, 2006
i love you
There are times when I look into your eyes and I can almost hear the words exuding from your mouth, as if I am dreaming I see your lips move and those three simple words come out in a fog, a smoke of love. And yet I continue to hold my tongue even as it struggles to hold back those words and everything that comes with them. Will we hold back for our time together? Because it will be too much to be saying these words as we wander apart in the coming months. Will we hold strong through summer? and hold strong to the idea that not saying the words will make everything easier. There are times when I catch myself about to say it to you because in my mind I have so many times and when I look in your eyes it feels like your saying it back. But ill never know ill never know until you do. And I made the mistake so long ago once upon a dream of being the first to go out on a limb and the response was so bad that I found myself more likely walking the plank. And then the resentment set it and I floundered else where to make up for the lousy word he couldn’t say back. And now I dodge this situation by not uttering the words, especially not first, for this will save the anxiety? The philandering? Obviously not. My solutions rarely work and yet I will continue to hide here with them.