May 22, 2006
lazy days of beautiful nothing
The blinds are blowing wildly and I’m lying in his mess. Its beautiful really, the most beautiful thing I have experienced as of late. I find myself easily napping in his arms and even when he leaves to the tune of his shower or slamming door. Incoherently kissing him goodbye to waste away the day in his bed watching old Natalie Portman movies and the history channel. You know I don’t think there is one movie she doesn’t cry in, I guess that’s her thing, she can cry. The blankets are sweltering with the heat of my nap and I am alone. I like the loneliness, the billowing of the blinds, chocolate bars and chocolate cream pie melting in my mouth. “How do you know its love if you’ve never been in love before?” I wish this was my boat, however I’m still lost on if its love and I think I’ve been in love so many times before. Today I checked to see if there was a bruise about my heart for I think it may very well be on the fast road to heart break. These kinds of feelings of possibility and jealousy are feeding a fire that feels like love and yet I dare not stop the wind from blowing the blinds or cut my nap short for I know these feelings are bound by time. Summer is on the horizon and I find the phrase, “ reeking havoc,” to be popping into my mind quite frequently recently, like some kind of threat. However I hope, as always, I can hold it together better then last summer. For his sake, for my sake for sanity sake.