July 11, 2005
I fell in love and its too late. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do but it was a literal fall. I wasn’t looking and didn’t want it but it happened like being washed down a drain during a storm, there was nothing for me to grab on to and no way for me to shake him loose. Hes sweet but hes moving and that’s the reality, I have to finish school, and I don’t find myself thinking hes the one and hes worth waiting for but… hes funny, and I always laugh when I am with him, mostly at him. We’ve gotten there,, I just said I love you to him over the phone it was freaky and so time warranted. It feels as if because he is moving we know that not exactly real, because it has to be over the day he steps on that plane, that caution can be thrown down that same drain and we may as well do it all while there is still time. There is however the other side of the coin where I expect that he is constantly cheating on me and I am cheating on him to get back at him. We are too much alike to be honest with each other but when we are together the rest of the world no longer exists. The cell phones are turned off (for fear of other mates calling), if out in public we are fairly oblivious to other strangers except the frequent good looking stranger that we both will weigh in as an option or a threat. I miss him and hes still here for another month. In this month so much will change, so much will be over and so much will begin. He wont be here but we will still have the memories. And yes I do talk of the pseudo boyfriend what has become of his pseudo-ness? I know not but he went to my family event yesterday, it was ……well interesting luckily I think they were drunkish and will hopefully forget the fact that hes a wigger? Probably not oh and yes I love a wigger.