July 14, 2005
sitting in showers; feeling a waste
I was just sitting in the shower in fact I’m still naked and dripping wet because I was afraid that I would forget what I was mind blogging in there- my memory is so shot from too much illegal fun I cant remember things easily lately. Anyway I was sitting in the shower and the honesty started flowing quickly, my eyes sting at the rate of the honesty that looked back at me in the mirror. Sitting in the shower I was thinking about how awful everything is, my lack of funds and the weekly bank reminders of my overdrawn account, my lack of employment and employmentability for that matter, I have no skills, I’m getting fat again, its all the fast food and no drugs, damn it damn it. So sitting in the shower I thought about what would happen if I don’t get into school, what if my conditional acceptance becomes unaccepted because i didn’t check my credits carefully or my transcript doesn’t come in time. I have no motivation and so much to do. The waters hitting my face like a heavy rain and I wish I was drowning because all this noise would go away but I just turn up the heat and continue to sit its getting dark out its getting dark in. I think my blogging ability is returning, a little depression goes a long way but honesty takes you right back to square one.