August 01, 2005

Still no answers

I left my house with a new accomplishment in mind; once again thinking this is another boy that just must be taken care of. Now this certain boy holds a little bit of work but we have the tension that needs to be popped, and quickly as far as I was concerned. He is a former roommate from Australia, and this was his going home party. He’s beautiful and probably my best friend to date, we tell each other everything so he knows how crazy I can be and he can match my craziness and probably raise me 20 or so. I however had left out the fact that he would be my conquest for the night until the next morning. Once it came to game time I positioned myself between him and any other possibly considered pretty girl and he pulled me into the bathroom, of course, my game plans rarely go unsuccessful. We kissed with much giggling and shhhhh’s we embraced, this embrace that had been on the verge of our lips, our bodies. Knocks came looking for us both and we smiled and silently laughed to each other and then the worst part came; he was kissing me and I could see it in the reflection of the mirror, now under any other circumstance this would be extremely hot and even upon retelling this part of the story many friends have considered it to be hot, I however was disgusted. Not by him I mean it was hot, he was hot I however was disgusted by watching myself be kissed. I have this fascination with looking at myself in the mirror when I am drunk or otherwise altered and saying to myself “ what the hell are you doing Rio? What are you thinking?” and this is what I found myself doing asking myself what I imagined I was going to find with this aussie? I found a lot of fun, I guess but its just getting old all these mirrors and boys. We ended up in his bed with him murmuring through the night, “ why didn’t we do this earlier? We should have been doing this the whole time you lived here.” While I agreed with these ideas I found myself thinking: another bed and still no answers.

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